Two hundred years ago, when mortals hunted the Fae toward extinction, the Ancients sundered the veils of Terr, fracturing their world into five realms. Many fled beyond the veil of war, but not all who remained did so with benevolent intentions.
Shivaria is an elite assassin of the crown, forged through brutal training for a single purpose: end the life of the Feyn King. When she finds herself upon foreign shores, seeking the fulfillment of her mission, she discovers a realm steeped in ancient power, forgotten truths, and whispered legends that defy everything she was taught.
When she finds herself bound to the king’s general, sought by the Fae in the northern woods, and unearthing the hidden truths of her world, Shivaria is thrust into a choice that will define her fate: follow the path she has always known, or endure a breaking that will set her on a course destined by the fates.
My Review
I need to complete the mission. It’s for my homeland. These people, neigh creatures are truly monstrous. It doesn’t matter what kindness they show me. Love, friendship, desire, all a distraction. I need to stay focused. I can’t lose myself. This is what I’m trained to do. This is the only way. I must kill the king. Right?
To be tasked with an assassination is a heavy burden. What kind of creature could commit to such a heavy mission? A hardened outer shell is needed. But what if the core may not match? With all the connections she’s made and people she’s grown to care for, can she truly go through with it? Shivaria may find the answer is whispered on the wind, and what starts as a classic assassination plot evolves into way more in Child of Shivay by J.R. Cathers.
Shivaria tries to portray herself as more of a pragmatic realist who always faces the harsh, ugly truths head-on. You’ll find she escapes those things at just about every turn. She may have her technical execution of her life down pat. In regard to matters of the heart, she has no idea what she’s getting into. The questions of love, friendship, society, and morality are all things she thinks she understands perfectly. Only for the reader to realize she’s barely scratched the surface. A virgin in both mind and body. Only knowing what she’s told but not knowing herself.
“I am more appealing to men if those things remain somewhat of a mystery. And she has every intention of utilizing that naivete in whatever way she can.”
“You’ll have to teach me how to do that, “I say.
Her eyes move from the window and land upon mine.
“Teach you what?” she asks, shifting her weight beneath her.
“How to have everyone in the room agree to give me exactly what I want before I’ve even asked for it.”
It makes her supposed role of a femme fatale much more dangerous. She outright admits she’s lacking in the charisma department, much less seduction. This is an integral part of the business. A femme fatale needs to be as refined in her social graces as she is with her skills with a knife. Yet Shivaria admits at multiple points that her supposed savior and mentor, Leanna, has kept her daft in regards to certain matters. If a femme fatale can’t be a master of her social wit, much less her own body, then how is she expected to succeed? How? It reeks of brainwashing. An attempt to keep Shivaria in line. A form of abuse is the most violent form of sheltering.
“No wonder she bound my arm and told me to stay in the flimsy fabric of the tunic. She never intended for this to be a lesson, not in the way I perceived it. This is a beating.“
“I hate to be the one to break it to you, Shivaria, but all your toys are broken. And if, by some cruel twist of fate, you are ever handed something pristine, I recommend you discard it before your own damage infects it, turning it into something you could never adore.”
If she’s beaten down literally and metaphorically, she’ll never question anything. She’ll never wonder about the whys and the hows of her empire or herself. The untrustworthy nature of Shivaria’s circumstances leads to a delicious journey of self-discovery. While this book only begins to open those doors, it certainly offers a taste most tantalizing.
“I try to map out a memory of that girl, knowing in the deepest recesses of my mind I will never see her again. There are parts of her I will have forgotten ten years from now, parts of her that I’m sure important people in my distant future would have liked to meet and will now never know-parts I wish to preserve and parts I wish to forget.“
“Days are filled with misery as I ponder the mess I have made of my life. The solitude of the dark and the memories I cannot purge from my mind are perhaps a more acute torture.”
“A tear falls from my eye, wetting the crimson stain beneath me. It isn’t the first. There have been many, and I have no doubt there are more to come. Where once there were numerous paths I might have tread, now it seems only one remains.“
Shivaria is as much a creature of emotion as anyone else. She attempts to give off a not like other girls vibe with her preference for combat versus silks, amongst other things. But it’s in the smallest moments that you can tell how much everything matters to her. The way she relaxes into silken sheets. A sip of a fine tea. Her admiration is a genuine craving for the affections of those she cares for. It’s written everywhere. She wants all of those soft things. And when she thinks about how little she has them or when they’re wrenched away, it practically destroys her.
You may be surprised to find that what you’re reading is never the full story. How Shivaria’s inner denial and unreliability are written masterfully. The insane misdirection her mind leads us showcases how her personal relationships affect her. Because when it comes to Shivaria, nothing is ever truly straightforward.
“And what am I? “
“Enviable,” he says with a grin, “No one wants to spend their life alongside the sun when their own light only appears like a dull flame beside it.“
“You may feel otherwise, but your life is worth saving, and I would take that blade again a hundred times over to see you walk away unharmed.“
“And even after everything, if I had it to do all over again, I would give the creature anything she asked, if it meant he would be safe.”
“You were always my favorite,” he admits, as if I don’t know.
“And you were always mine,” as sure him with my sweetest smile. And my heart aches because for some reason I can’t quite understand, the words feel a little too much like goodbye.“
Not all introductions lead to where you expect them to. That’s what you’ll find in Shivaria’s haunting relationship with Vakesh. In just eight chapters, the author encapsulated the importance of Shivaria’s relationship to him. You can see the love, care, and protectiveness he shows toward her. He’s the first person she ever truly trusted. But that trust might just lead to own heartache. Shivaria views him as a looming storm. A statement all too true as you find his influence haunting even Shivaria’s most quiet and intimate moments, affecting every other relationship she has moving forward.
“You’re letting your guard down, Vari.“
“Cling to this lesson, hold close. Because when you do forget it, which I have no doubt you will, and you decide it might be safe to let someone in, that person you choose to trust with your heart or your life, or something else precious to you, that person will betray you.”
Her other relationships are tumultuous. It’s rather hard to form a true connection when you’re not even showing a fraction of your true self. True connection is a weakness.
That’s what Shivarias been taught.
“Let’s make a deal. I will always tell you what I want, though you are under no obligation to provide it unless you choose to do so, and in return, you will offer me the same.”
“I’m more than taken aback by her proposal. It seems too easy. Here I am preparing myself for her rejection, and what she’s offering me is true friendship.”
Yet despite these friendships only coming to fruition in fragments, it leave an impact on Shivaria. Despite there being secrets between them all, she slowly starts to become a more open person. Others’ charisma makes her want to learn how to be charming. Knowledge makes her want to broaden her horizons. Combative sparring without abuse or strings of being a warrior attached gives her the opportunity to take the edge off without abusive retribution. Selfless care leads to the same in return. It all ties in to how Shivaria grows attached to them all, even if she claims not to like it.
“Do you make a habit of taking women you don’t trust to bed?” I quip, trying to keep myself from the dark spiral of my thoughts.
“I do not,” he says, capping the salve and dropping it into his satchel before grabbing my chin and pinning me with his gaze, “but if anyone could persuade me, it would be you.”
“She named her price for your life,” he says softly.
‘What is it? I murmur as the darkness comes to take me.
“It doesn’t matter.” His lips are so soft and his breath so warm when he whispers against my skin. “I would pay it a hundred times over.”
“Allow me to make my intentions clearer. It would please me to have you by my side, always. A’kori, Brax, continents unknown to the feyn. Let your home be here.”
Some attachments are stronger than others, in the case of Xeyvian. What starts as a fiery inferno of discord is fed further by Shivaria’s not being able to see herself in a positive light. But despite their rocky start, Xeyvian makes her want to feel. She grows to long for the ability to get lost in emotions like love and desire without fear. That it’s safe to do so and not just another thing to be squashed. Even when it seems like that will be the case, he strives to fight back her fears. He wants her to trust him like he slowly trusts her. And he only seems to love and desire her more and more as her walls fall and lies dissolve into dust. This is not a man of easy trust or ease to stray. But for Shivaria, hell fight anything. Monsters, friend, foe, and even his own inner demons. A character of devotion is what he proves to be underneath it all. And Shivaria can have it all if she allows it.
“I want everything,” I say softly. wholly aware that I have no idea what I am asking for, but wanting all of him, nonetheless.
“You ask for too much.” I watch a silent battle rage in his eyes.
“Don’t think about it,” I say, offering him his own advice.
“Ballads are born of such kisses, full and deep with longing. The passion the male pours into my being has a life of its own and could bear entire worlds if I dared to let it free. These are moments I will treasure. When I recall them, they will remind me of how, even as the sun sets beyond the farthest horizon, she ignites the darkening skies with colorful wonders before ushering in the blanket of night.”
When the intimacy arrives, it marinates, giving the audience time to savor each bit. It’s a slow-burning ride, but it feels worth it. A lingering glance turns into a little touch, a little taste. All that was discordant becomes an all-consuming cosmos. Beings intertwined in more ways than one. Only time will tell us if chances on love and passion will end in disaster. The intimacy scenes overall serve as groundbreaking moments. It all adds a certain rush of adrenaline. And they’re certainly going to need it.
The prose really reflects Shivaria’s thoughts on everything. While the use of the words “the male” or “the female” could be seen as a confusing choice in places, it highlights Shivaria’s detachment. If she views people as merely subjects to be studied and overcome, it’s much easier to follow through with her mission. You can see that her amount of usage of others’ names rises over time. But that initial pattern lingers in her mind, reflecting her upbringing. The intimacy scenes could be used as flowery. They don’t go for straightforward terms to describe arousal or release very much. But it works to show how important and romantically intimate these moments are for her. I felt how each scene was really changing her inner world, making them all the more satisfying. And on a cuter note, I found the anagrammatic speech for certain swear words to be quite charming and adorable, giving a nice fantasy touch to everyday language.
The worldbuilding was also fascinating. Our deep dive into Terr sets us up with the two main kingdoms, La’tari and A’kori. We find ourselves in their conflict and find the two are drastically different in outer appearance and inner decorum. A’kori is initially portrayed as hideously full of excess and opulence. But their people seem to be happy and thriving in a place regardless of class or species. There may be nobility, but Shivaria may realize that La’tari is truly as frigid and cold as the barren wasteland it’s become. These ever-conflicting circumstances ultimately test Shivaria and her prior convictions in the empire she calls home.
From the character to the lore, there was something that always struck me as interesting. Foreshadowing is heavily utilized in this novel. The author makes it so that if you pay attention enough, you can figure out what will happen before it even remotely gets to that point. Some of it is reminiscent of a neon sign going off. The others give you just the faintest of details you may overlook until it feels like you’ve been hit by a car. Regardless, an essence of foreboding always seemed to lurk. What felt so faraway became so easy to overlook until it already arrived. And so many things felt that way.
The last few chapters of Child of Shivay really highlighted both the lies told to Shivaria and her own. They left her damaged and open to attack in ways she and other readers probably never even imagined. The stakes never felt higher in the most insane ways. All this immense buildup led me to an ending where I found my emotions taking over my mind.
My initial reaction was utterly visceral. The last few pages led to a reintroduction. I had felt the sails ripped out of my boat and left me stranded at sea. I had thought it was detrimental, dismissive, immature, regressive, and entirely misplaced. I love the character she blew up on. I had felt she did them dirty because she wouldn’t hear them out. I couldn’t stop the rage I felt, even as I was writing this review. But as I was typing and looking back, I realized how misplaced it all was.
The ending ultimately aligns with the way she has behaved the whole book. Shivaria, if nothing else, is a provocateur of emotion. Following her journey led to more questions and mysteries for herself and readers alike. Shivaria truly doesn’t know who she is, and this moment fits so well with her characterization. The whole journey has deconstructed everything she’s ever known, leaving behind only a raw core. She is childish. She is naive. She is immature, confused, and was hurt so bad that she angrily lashes out at the last person she felt wronged her. This is the only way she can vent the pain of a life of lies. It may come off as dramatic and immature, but it’s so real and consistent with her feelings and in its relatability.
“All know about myself is what I have been told. Drakai, Fea Dien, lady, miajna. All names I was given by others in place of the name I should have called myself. Perhaps lost upon a foreign soil, with no home and no one to tell me who and what I am, I might finally begin to know her.”
It’s a special kind of pain to not know one’s outside of another’s crafted image of you, and all of this led me to realize this moment is in no way poorly written. In fact, it reminded me why I loved the book so much in the first place. We’re not given everything we want on a silver platter. The ending might not even be what we preferred it to be. There is no roaring triumph. Just a cry to be known that has been rising all along. Shivaria truly is beautiful in her unreliability, and it all sets us up to wonder where this journey will take her. Because ultimately Shivaria’s story wasn’t one of an attempted assassination but one of self-discovery. Closer introspection only furthered my appreciation for the technical and emotional execution of it.
I can proudly proclaim that Child of Shivay by J.R. Cathers has earned its 5 stars. The book made me reevaluate what I initially thought and gave me appreciation for it in a completely different way. This novel will definitely provoke a strong reaction, whether it be good or bad. But that ultimately proves how masterfully written it is. Shivaria’s journey was painful, raw, and it was excellent. But the stories have only just begun. So if you want to tread this path to Terr with me, I can’t recommend it enough.
Until next time,
Lynzee
If you would like to read Child of Shivay by JR Cathers, you can find this book on Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
If you like this book, you may also enjoy books with these tags and categories: Fantasy, Secrets, and Damaged MC.
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